As I was sorting through old photographs, I came across faces of people who once intersected my life’s path. This moment of nostalgia led me to ponder the phenomenon of ‘ghosting’ in social relationships, a term that has gained prominence in the era of social media. Ghosting refers to when someone unexpectedly ceases all communication, leaving messages unanswered and vanishing without explanation.
This experience can be deeply unsettling, often leading one to question, “Did I do something wrong?” I’ve been on both sides of ghosting: experiencing it and, admittedly, being the one to ghost others. It’s a behavior I recognize as a form of avoidance, one that I strive to eliminate from my own actions. To those I have ghosted, I extend my heartfelt apologies. It was never about you, but rather a reflection of my own inadequacies.
The reasons behind ghosting are manifold, ranging from fear to a shift in priorities or unexpected life events. I often liken life to a journey on a train, a metaphor I’ve discussed in previous writings. In this scenario, ghosting is akin to having an intense conversation with a fellow passenger, only to excuse yourself to the restroom. Meanwhile, the train stops at a station. Upon your return, your conversational partner is gone, having disembarked silently. Alternatively, it can be you who ghosts: glimpsing something or someone through the toilet window, compelling you to hurriedly exit the train before it departs for its next destination.
Ghosting is invariably disruptive, the only exception being its strategic use in dealing with pathological narcissists. With time comes reflection, yet revisiting someone you’ve ghosted can demand a great deal of emotional energy. Sometimes it’s best to let wounds heal rather than reopen them.
To anyone reading this whom I’ve ghosted: it wasn’t you, it was me. In those moments, my attention was wholly captivated by something else, leading me to inadvertently ignore everything else around me. Though this approach was flawed, it’s likely we are now on different paths, each in our respective life trains, journeying towards our individual futures.